Days of the Cranky Hobbit

I remember reading an article titled,”When the going gets tough, sometimes the tough gets silly”, written by Clara Chow (taken from Her World, July ‘08 SG version.)

It’s about “Childhood games that is still entertaining kids right into adulthood; eg. pretending to host a cooking show.” One of the writer’s 29 year old friend mentioned that,”I measure out the ingredients and put them out in matching bowls. Then I put on an accent. Sometimes, I pretend to be a Malay auntie, other times Martha Stewart. And once, a gay cook. Depends on what I cook.”

I have too many…haha! Sometimes, I would count the number of steps I take when walking on square tiles when I go for a walk. Even better when the tiles are big! That would make me take even bigger steps…hahaha! Sometimes, I would get re-acquainted with one of my favourite childhood past-time: gaming. I no longer own a Nintendo or a Sega but an old Xbox. I remember spending lots of time with one of my uncles when he stayed in the same house I did, a loooong time ago in Bedok. I have to admit: my sister and I are guilty for watching Teletubbies when it was popular. *LOL* (Not every episode, ok!!!) Things I do just to re-live my childhood, just to name a few….

What are yours, my dear readers? It is fun to know and at least we will have something to do when all that window-shopping at malls, partying, having dinners get boring…hahaha!

Last day of leave! So sad…

Spent lots of time with family, friends and Green* which is great because it’s all I ever wanted! This beats any ’special’ events in the calendar. I believe every day should be Valentine’s Day or Hari Raya or Deepavali or or or Christmas…any days like that….you get the idea!

I noticed that I have been feasting like crazy every single time I have dinners. It isn’t a routine for me to have dinners with real food. I guess that’s why I ate so much and always blame on other people for my gluttony. (Oops?! Haha!) Great company, too! September ended on a very good note.

The first day of Hari Raya was an eye-opener. Visited the paternal side of my family so there are alot of guys. All my younger cousins are taller than me, too!! Argh! *lol* Ate like pigs. Sister and I hogged the spotlight, besides my cousin who is getting married soon! Told them what my life from now onwards will be like and all I got is,”So when is this one *pointing towards me* is getting married? She has 2 jobs! That’s planning for marriage!” *LOL* …if only they knew that I’m extremely broke, right now…haha! I give the idea to alot of people that I’m career-minded. Actually, I’m gearing up towards life, instead.

Will be busy once leave is over! Juggling 3 lives at once. …actually, make that 4. The time is not right for partying at the moment. That day will come… *excited*

Need to go to the library (again!) I had forgotten to extend the loan for 3 books.

Also, I realised that I have been on facebook way too often. I always use the computer for music and I read at my desk. Yep, I’m easily distracted. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother tidying up my desk if it gets cluttered again in less than an hour…heh!

Hmm, what else? Working at GV 3-4 days a week. I need a routine so I won’t be working at GV on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. That extra day off I’m not too sure when. In doing so, I can catch-up with alot of people unlike how I always M.I.A. from my social circle. Besides that I can see Green* as much as I want! Some weeks my days off will be different for some reasons I need not specify here at the moment but those days I mentioned are very likely to stick. I am not looking forward to see a smaller amount for my first paycheck as a part-timer….EEK! Need to work really hard alongside Green*!

Um…I don’t think I have anything else to update. I look like I’m slacking every day just by being on here! Haha!

Have a good week!

*In any case you guys think that Green is a secret boyfriend I have that I have never ever mentioned to anyone in person or online, I am very sorry but to let you guys down that Green is not a person. …no, Green is not a vegetable, either.

Today’s my last day as a full-timer! …feels so surreal… Pinch me, I think I’m dreaming! (On a 2nd thought…don’t! )

Right now, I have no idea how I should feel. Happy? Scared? Sad? *shrug* I do believe that I need to do what’s best, regardless how I’m feeling.

Looking forward to my break! Can’t wait for Thursday! Will be meeting lots of people in a day it’s just insane! Hahaha! *does a jig* Also, I need my sleep. Will be sleeping loads.

I appreciate the concern my colleagues have about me converting to part-time. Some of them understand where I come from while some of them don’t. It’s all good. Everyone has opinions.

My opinions? …well, just thought I should share… I’m happy that I get to do the things I need and want to do. It not only benefits me but the people I care about. Scared that I’m risking alot. I risk my reputation for appearing selfish. For stirring jealousy. For looking like a suck-up. For appearing stupid. For appearing naive. I am risking my income stability. I am risking my personal safety. I am risking one of the world’s most fragile and sacred connection: friendship. I am also scared because I’m leaving my comfort zone. (Who would’ve thought that being miserable can also be a comfort zone. I believe it’s the predictability that I have been holding on, too tightly, that is always the easy way out…but at what cost? More misery?) And last but not least, I am risking my sense of self. The fear of not knowing who I will turn out to be, in the future, is just…well, scary. I’m sad. I’m sad because I don’t get to be around the people I like being around with anymore. …well, not that often, I mean. I’m sad because that fear of losing the very same people is lingering in my thoughts alot.

…as you can see, I’m being alot negative than thinking positively, here. Oh well…”99% Positive Mental Attitude and 1% Skill!” Ha ha ha!!!!

The lesson for me to learn, right now, is to be brave. I’m 24 years old and I’m still a chicken. Who would’ve thought? I thought I’d have the courage to do anything when I turned 18. Let my life lesson be your lesson, too. Afterall, we are all in this world, together. We are alot more connected than we think we do.

Goodnight!

Feels like not knowing what you’re going to do with your life after school, doesn’t it? Things like challenges we would face, the triumph we can get…all that. What’s even worst is when we know what we want to do with our lives but we say things like,”If I could, I would.” I have to confess I am very guilty of that.

I’m not saying I know everything. Even when I know something, there would be times when I would second guess myself and that defeats everything I set my mind to.

I’m halfway to being insane (AND I want to get there…haha!). Everyone that knows me calls me,”Crazy woman.” I have to admit I love it very much! You can start calling me that instead of “Aisyah” (which has “Vivaciousness”, “Life” and “Prosperous” as meanings. Yes, I do love my name, still. Just haven’t been living up to it.) Haha! (I secretly want “Crazy Woman” engraved on my nametag at work, really. Hee! Imagine the public response…haha! …especially, when I work in Gold Class…*giggle*)

We all put ourselves in a box and not realising it. I have to admit I’m slowly inching away from that box. (And into another box. Heh! Funny how that seems.)

All I’m saying is: It’s alright to change the course of your life when you noticed that you’re not satisfied. We may have loved the idea of something, at the beginning, and then found out it isn’t exactly what we thought it would be. It’s going to feel extremely scary -every single time- but we won’t know if we don’t put any effort in it. (Wow. I should say that to myself, often.)

I can’t remember when I had this conversation with Zizie but we were talking about something and I can’t remember who brought up the idea that the Indonesian language is of higher standard than Malay. Of course, being Malays ourselves, we were too ignorant to agree upon the fact that the Indonesian language is in fact higher in standard!

Until I chose to read some history of it, of course, I changed my mind! The Indonesian language IS far more superior since it retains far more archaic influences. Unlike Indonesian, the Malay language is a watered down version of Indonesian with the current language influence, which is English!

Here are some examples:

Remember, the Dutch colonised South-East Asia first! Then them Englishmen! Hence, the standard.

Learned something interesting, aye?

I think I should borrow some books from the library. Hmmm.

Last night, I had aloooot of dreams but one of it caught my attention as soon as I woke up. It’s like this:

I had 3 like-minded women in the dream and it’s about changing the world or something (this part I vaguely remember well.) After a ‘long’ discussion, I went to my one and only grandma and told her about it. She said something along the lines of "Do your best" and my line was somewhere along the lines of "but…I’m not God. Who am I to meddle?" Grandma just smiled at me.

This particular scene repeated twice (I think.)

So, as soon as I awoke, mom told me that grandma is gravely ill.

Question is, what was grandma doing in my dream? In person, she doesn’t even remember who I am.

Edit (@6:59pm): Mom called and said that dearest grandma is feeling worse and that she kept saying she wants to sleep. …okay…I’m more afraid than ever.